Author Archives: Rajesh Kumar

How do i find you

Or where do i find you

You may be everywhere

But i am nowhere

Thats because when i miss you

Even your long ago memory does not comfort me.

I know you are gone forever from my life

I may not hold any importance in your life

But my day starts with your thoughts

I may close my eyes in prayers

And its your face that i see

Smiling at me through your eyes

Without a single blink.

I want to feel the same fingers between my fingers

So that i remain unmoved for few moments which i call love

Seeing you in your eyes and yet remain unseen

& this unseen essence is not dark but its white

Where senses pauses for moments till the touch feels the heart.

I have often tried to run away when my heart galloped

I have often been drunk imagining you at my home.

You have always been so indifferent in my dreams

You never ever gave away any of your emotions

But I did feel so much for you

I felt our togetherness

A life with you in love forever.

Its been so much time now

We have traveled on our own path of life

Some day I might bump into you

Just to express a song in your heart

But I am not for sure you will even twinkle

You will think you are happy wherever you are

& I will lay on the mountain in marked oldness

Imagining my youth with you

& someone will come resembling you

To take me on a cosmic journey.

May be I am not the one

May be you are not the one

And yet we met

Met very briefly for just two years.

The first day I saw I fell in love with you

Since then I kept on looking towards you

Sometimes you did smile which I didn’t expect

So I too forced a smile later feeling stupid of myself

You always wore blue jeans & blue t-shirt

My favourite colour;

My another favourite colour is grey

In which I imagined you sometimes

With my eyes closed trying to get closer to you

So that my breathe smells like your skin.

Once I got an opportunity to steal your pen

But there were others who would have turned to look at me

When you would be searching in vain your prized possession

I wouldn’t have been able to face them

They would have certainly stalked me.

And we met again

When we descended the stairs together

I had slowed down to see you from back

As you went away in your world of transition.

It never happened that we got knocked

At the turning of the walls

They always meet on the other side

In my day dreams at the corner

How I wish we got wet by sprinkler

That watered the little garden

And placed our palms on the fountain

As if our soul’s were in marriage

Yes we would have met

But dreams imagination & thoughts

Seldom align to make a path for desires.

But we will meet; And we meet again

When I had stopped at the signal

And you asked where was I headed

Yes we were headed in the same direction

But different destinations,

It was the first day you spoke to me

I was lost in my happy thoughts

Yes we had met then.

We met when we ate on the same table

Talking about a film which hit the box office

To make the actor an overnight superstar,

Oh we should have met at the play

“Jesus Christ the Superstar “.

Yes I agree I had felt weak & motionless

At your touch, frozen in time, deaf in silence

You said something!

We had met then as the soothing souls

Very briefly not to part

But to meet again & again along a distance

At the street

At the theatre

Criss crossing unconsciously

Accidentally falling prey to the natural habitants

I know I should have told you

“I love you & pray for you”

Sometimes things don’t happen

The way we think, maybe its right

The longing to meet again

The longing to love you

To mend my broken world

Maybe just for that content

We meet looking into each other’s eyes

In flame and rain

In the sky and pain

Time moves runs but does it oscillate

To meet on the 31st of December.

If you need me just “call me in the breeze”

When the sunshine has settled down on the mud

The only love affiar I ever had is my tears

Which plays on the gramophone continuously

Your eyes & lips travel in the same direction when I blush

The sea touches the sand just like your body touches my soul

I see you what I carry in my heart

I dont feel lonely its the stains of your shadow

On every winter I see the sun burn of summer

And each moment have many form of love

May be I am a silent painting

I may have been lost from your life forever

But if you look back you will see a fountain

Touching on the hips & pretending so well

Freezing in the summer solstice

Both arms wrapped of the artist & the muse

As you walked away & soaked me in an magic dream

I went drunk when you made me wild

It was essential for you to be happy

Otherwise I have longed to see you naked for a while

I got a tatto only for you so the our skin match

I want to meet you in the mountain leaf, among the trees in fog

Whispering in mist but havent found any signs on the crossroad

Which crosses over some poetic path

I may seem lost in the mystery of languages

But the two pebbles balances on the stream so well

There are waves on the nature, on the theater, on tears

I still remember you & I still dont know you

But I do love you.

If you need me just “call me in the breeze”.

She is everything that I ever wanted

Her smile, her eyes, her face

And her round ear rings;

Yet my destiny travelled another path

From where I could see her at an angular distance

But never really had the courage to express.

Much later I realised to achieve something

One needs to work on it.

I had only thought one’s pure feeling is enough

To touch her heart & soul.

Even after so many years she inspires me

Looking straight into me through the bob cut hair covering her face.

It was long time ago she used to come in my dreams

These days when I am at war with anxiety

And I try finding her on the web of life & its simply overwhelming.

I do regret sometimes but I am happy

Seeing the smile in her eyes on her face.

Why are you hiding in me

Why aren’t you coming into my life

Why why why aren’t you thinking of me

Instead Why were you crying for me

I saw you in the coffee shop

Where we had spent moments of our lives

Be there tomorrow I will come

Glancing me though the window pane

I know it’s difficult but will assure each other

How about the same coffee tonight.

Can’t unfold my new experience

Of loving you

It’s always been new

& It’s the same heart

Which stood in winter morning

Awaiting a glance of you

Expecting the same smile.

I carry your heart

I carry it in my heart

I hope you can hear my heart

Fluttering in leaves

Meandering along the stream

I can hear your heart

I can hear my heart.

I am not a poet

But sometimes when dreams undress

Intimacy bursts

As I see the cloud being made

I have so much of you in my heart

But I promise I will stop hurting you

When I stop thinking of you & missing you.

There are too many ways

to think about you

I am the longing

you have always denied

I have kissed your picture

So many times

Did you feel the brush

of my lips

My intention

is you

Let my love

Wash away

There was a time

When memories were dreams

Maybe I’m the canvas

begging for the art

Maybe I’ve waited

Countless moons,

For you, To find me…

In your dream

When you kiss my embrace

And breath my feel

That’s where we are designed

In togetherness

It’s strange how fate,

brings you back into your past,

to teach you something

You just have to be listening…

To understand why

I get attracted

towards the person

who hides their feelings

I am glad you still visit me

In my dreams.